Catching Up

I have been so remiss in my blogging and I apologize.  I know some of my friends/family come here for updates on my progress.

I had the blood transfusion, it went relatively smooth.  I can't say perfect...they used a short needle in my porta cath, which apparently slipped out slightly, causing blood to go under my skin instead of into my vein.  I didn't notice until I saw blood seeping from the site.  They stuck me again with a longer needle and the transfusion was able to be completed without any further incident.  It did make me feel better, though I can't say I felt the best I ever did throughout this entire affair.  But it satisfied the blood-count people (lol doctor and nurses).  The blood under my skin left quite a mess, the entire area measured about 4 x 4".  It didn't hurt, though, and my doctor said that though ugly it would go away eventually, which it has started to do.

Then came time for my blood work prior to receiving my last treatment.  Gah...another problem!  My platelet number was too low to receive chemo.  So we waited about 5 days, checked the numbers again and happily was able to receive my last treatment!!!  Yay!  Now onto the business of healing, rebuilding and strengthening!

The fatigue hit as usual, but not much body pain.  I spent the first week or so in bed, just sleeping and resting.  My bloodwork was down as expected.  But yesterday it was really down again, my hemoglobin was down at the "need a transfusion" level and my platelets were down even more.  I get it checked again this Thursday and if it hasn't improved, I will need another transfusion.  I am going to think positively that my levels will go back up on their own.  I'm eating well and getting rest.  But my body will catch up...even if it needs a little help.  None of this is unusually bad.  Truthfully, compared to what others go through with chemo, I think I've been pretty lucky.  

One of the exciting things about the past week is that I was able to drag myself into the Wellness House in Hinsdale, Illinois and get a wig!  The American Cancer Society provides a free wig to cancer patients.  I haven't worried about my baldness through all of this but in preparation for going back to work, I know I needed to get a wig just to feel better about myself commuting back and forth in downtown Chicago.  I was able to find one that was pretty close to my hair style and color prior to losing my hair but the wig looks so much better than my real hair!  I didn't really have nice hair to begin with.  Wearing the wig will become a new lifestyle for a long time!

So I'm just waiting for Thursday to see if my blood levels come up.  Hopefully no transfusion.  I have to get a CT scan too, prior to my next doctor appointment.  I'm planning on a return to work sometime in June.  I haven't talked to the doctor about it yet, but hoping that will be the plan.  Onward!!!! 

Blood Transfusion

Thursday is bloodwork day (yesterday).  My blood number pattern throughout my chemo has been really good, I actually start to recoup the week following chemo, rather than week 2. My numbers last week were a little lower than my pattern, but we fully expected them to be back up yesterday.  But nothing is ever easy.  LOL  The chemo is finally catching up with me.  I've been complaining about fatigue.  Alot.  To the point that I just felt I was being a puss.  It frustrates me to no end to feel like this but it was just not getting better.  I literally cannot move from room to room without losing my breath and sometimes even feeling like I was going to faint.  For the second week in a row, Jack has had to wheel me into the office for my blood draw.

Yesterday my numbers were very low.  The only good thing about this is that now I don't feel like it was just me or just in my head.  They were low enough that I am going in this morning for a blood transfusion, 2 units.  Thankfully this is not uncommon. (No one likes to hear how uncommon a situation is, now THATS scary, especially if its uncommonly bad)  Chemo just takes such a toll on your body, sometimes your body can't keep up.  Its working so hard to rebuild between treatments, which results in the fatigue.

I've never had a blood transfusion, I'm not scared, but I am fretting just a bit.  The nurse did say that I will actually start to feel better almost immediately, like when the transfusion is complete and I'm ready to go home!  I am looking forward to that.

Next Friday is my last treatment.  Then I can really get to the task of recuperating, gaining my strength and stamina...but unfortunately that is a slow process.  It can take 6 months to a year to get to where you were before chemo...maybe.  One of the many things I have tried to learn throughout this is patience, baby steps...I'm not good at it though.  Oh well...I can focus on the fact that I'm beating this.  That is such good news it will carry me through the remaining challenges.

Will I ever get back to normal?

After all I've been through since January 4, and so close to the end, it seems silly to complain.  And of course, I am going to be a survivor.  But its at the point where I can't imagine I will ever feel good again.  I got so spoiled during the first half of the chemo treatments, getting my strength back within a week or so.  I literally cannot get from one room to another without feeling like I'm going to faint.  I get so out of breath.  If its anything like after the 4th treatment, I will only get enough stamina and strength back before the next treatment to walk into the office on my own and drop into a chair to get hooked up to the poison.  In my mind I know (well I hope) I will regain my strength and be back to my old self, but when I feel so drained, its just hard to imagine.

Next visit I'm going to ask how long its going to take after my last treatment before I can actually walk any distance and not expire.  LOL  I've already started to worry about my commute to work.  Granted I could drive to work for a bit, but that isn't a long term solution, as its expensive to park in downtown Chicago plus the drive is just crazy.

Another issue is that the chemo has really affected my left knee, which was replaced a while back but has been giving me problems for a while.  I walk with a cane but the chemo has made it worse.  I'm hoping that once the chemo is out of my system, my knee will go back to the condition it was in prior to the treatments.  I can handle that.

Oh well, I shouldn't be complaining, but sometimes I just have to.

Almost There...

Haven't written in a while, the 4th chemo treatment really knocked me for a loop, so once I could get around a little I was trying to do some things.  I hate just sitting around or lying in bed.  So my goal is always to get myself to my jewelry bench or glass bench where I can sit and do something constructive but not have to move.

I had treatment #5 last Friday.  Saturday I felt so normal and good...didn't even feel the fatigue that had been plaguing me since #4.  Easter Sunday was good too.  But I started feeling bad early Monday morning...my joints were hurting so much...so I stayed in bed all day Monday.  Tuesday, I had another headache from hell...I don't know if its sinuses or a migraine or a rogue side effect from the chemo since I've had a couple since my treatment started in January and I'm not prone to such excruciating headache pain.  I don't have a history of sinus or migraine headaches, but as I am well aware at this point, chemo can bring out stuff that you've never had before.  Thankfully, the headache is gone today.  And I'm surprised that my joint pain is not bad either.  I usually still hurt this soon after a treatment.  But hey...I'll take it.

What is really getting me, though, is fatigue.  It has now hit big time.  I can barely walk from my bedroom to the kitchen without losing my breath and feeling dizzy.  Tomorrow is supposed to be bloodwork day, so I hope I can get downstairs to the car and back.  It will be another wheelchair day...Jack will have to get me into the office via a wheelchair like last time. 

The best news is that I have one treatment left.  Then its getting my strength back so I can return to work.  It has been a long and sorta lonely time.  My boyfriend and my dog are great, but I crave interaction with others besides my caretakers.  The isolation, though, played a huge part in my good health during chemo, as I was not exposed to all the germs, bacteria and viruses that I would have encountered had I been working all this time.  Chemo just annihilates your immune system and the fatigue prevented any kind of activity anyway. 

I can't find words to express all of my feelings...relief that its over, joy that it worked, gratitude for my doctor and insurance, love for my friends and family, and most of all, thankfulness to the greater being that brought about all of these miracles.

Major Fatigue

By the Thursday following a chemo treatment, up until now, I've pretty much recovered from the joint/muscle pain and the fatigue...I have been able to walk into the doctor's office on my own for my weekly bloodwork.  Well, yesterday I wasn't so lucky.  The pain had almost completely subsided, but my fatigue was immense.  Taking my shower was torture...walking down to the garage just about killed me...I could barely catch my breath.  Fortunately, there are wheelchairs at each entrance to the hospital--Jack had to wheel me in for my bloodwork.  There was no way I would have been able to walk in myself.  Once we got home, I could barely make it up to the house.

The fatigue is cumulative...if I'm like this after my 4th treatment, what will it be like after my 6th and final treatment???  I realize that since I was in bed for 3 days with the pain that my stamina was low, but geez...  My numbers did back up what I was feeling, so at least I know I'm not imagining it.

The neuropathy is worse and painful too.  That also is cumulative.  My hands and fingers don't hurt too much from it, but my feet and toes do.  Arghhh!

So yeah, this is a complaint post.  Gotta let it out somehow...thats one of the reasons I started to blog--so I don't have to complain out loud.  People get tired of hearing it.  Today I plan to move around more and maybe visit my studio for a bit...

On the bright side, I'm still reeling from the good news I received last week.  Though its tough going through this day by day, I know the end of the treatment is coming and I'm going to be OK.  I will be back to work, back with my co-workers, and enjoying the little things I love about Chicago...

Good News

Yesterday was my doctor exam, which happens every three weeks, before my chemo treatment.  I had had a CT scan about ten days ago and got the results yesterday.  The scan shows no evidence of the cancer!!!  The spots on my lungs and abdomen, which were the reason chemotherapy was begun, were gone!  How about that for super news!  Even my doctor was excited about the results. It is every cancer patients' dream to hear those words.  Even though I had better than a 50% chance of kicking this, there was still a chance it wouldn't work.

I know that the thoughts and prayers of my friends and family had a lot to do with this.  They always give me words of encouragement, which keep me going.  I would never have not fought this crap they call cancer, but knowing I had the love coming from all directions gave me added strength to continue.  For all of that, I am so thankful. I still have 3 treatments to go, today being one.  Getting the good news gives me renewed conviction to see this through.  We fought the battle and as of right now, we won.  As so many survivors say, it teaches you to cherish each day...to be thankful for what you have.  And I do.

I need to make that wig appointment, I want to have one to wear when I go back to work.  I don't mind my baldness right now, in fact it's been warmer than normal for March, so I didn't wear my  hat.  Who cares!  The bald head is almost like a badge of courage.  Some of my hair did not fall out so even though I had my head shaved, the hair on the top of my head is about 3/4" long now, and of course, gray.  So I look like a baby bird.  LOL. It's kinda comical.

So on that good news, I'm flying forward to the end of my treatment.  The fatigue side effect has increased and I have to stop and rest a lot.  The neuropathy is worse as well, but hoping that subsides once treatment is complete.  The next couple of days will be rough but then I start the uphill climb to feeling that I can do at least minimal tasks.   Thank you to all my friends and family!  Love you all!

Back Amongst the Living

Once again, I made it through the first week after a chemo treatment. It's not an amazing victory, but it sure ain't for sissies. Unless you suffer from one of the many body-wracking maladies that exist, you just can't imagine. I'm not a very vocal person, but the body pain that first week is enough to make me groan out loud with every step or movement. I have pain medication but you can only take so much and it doesn't take the pain away completely. The pain is also more intense in any body part that is weaker because of past injury or surgery. Which for me means my knees. And this time, my neck/back from my fall a few weeks ago. Headaches seem more numerous and intense. We just don't plan anything for that first week. I was able to do a few things the first two days but then it hit me good. I've learned not to fight it...just stay in bed and try to rest or sleep. I literally hurt from the tips of my fingers to the tips of my toes.

The neuropathy seems worse this time. I'm feeling it in both hands and my feet. It's not really painful, just weird and annoying. It takes away a lot of feelings in those extremities but thankfully not to the point of endangering myself. It also makes some things difficult, for example, filing certain fingernails. It's quite comical, actually. And hard to describe. Thankfully I'm finding ways to do what I need and want. I was able to draw a glass pattern yesterday, so that hasn't been lost. I have to write slower so it's legible, but who cares? I cut glass with two hands but that doesn't matter if the results are the same.