Even if you are finally "cancer free" it will always be with you mentally

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Almost There...

Haven't written in a while, the 4th chemo treatment really knocked me for a loop, so once I could get around a little I was trying to do some things.  I hate just sitting around or lying in bed.  So my goal is always to get myself to my jewelry bench or glass bench where I can sit and do something constructive but not have to move.

I had treatment #5 last Friday.  Saturday I felt so normal and good...didn't even feel the fatigue that had been plaguing me since #4.  Easter Sunday was good too.  But I started feeling bad early Monday joints were hurting so I stayed in bed all day Monday.  Tuesday, I had another headache from hell...I don't know if its sinuses or a migraine or a rogue side effect from the chemo since I've had a couple since my treatment started in January and I'm not prone to such excruciating headache pain.  I don't have a history of sinus or migraine headaches, but as I am well aware at this point, chemo can bring out stuff that you've never had before.  Thankfully, the headache is gone today.  And I'm surprised that my joint pain is not bad either.  I usually still hurt this soon after a treatment.  But hey...I'll take it.

What is really getting me, though, is fatigue.  It has now hit big time.  I can barely walk from my bedroom to the kitchen without losing my breath and feeling dizzy.  Tomorrow is supposed to be bloodwork day, so I hope I can get downstairs to the car and back.  It will be another wheelchair day...Jack will have to get me into the office via a wheelchair like last time. 

The best news is that I have one treatment left.  Then its getting my strength back so I can return to work.  It has been a long and sorta lonely time.  My boyfriend and my dog are great, but I crave interaction with others besides my caretakers.  The isolation, though, played a huge part in my good health during chemo, as I was not exposed to all the germs, bacteria and viruses that I would have encountered had I been working all this time.  Chemo just annihilates your immune system and the fatigue prevented any kind of activity anyway. 

I can't find words to express all of my feelings...relief that its over, joy that it worked, gratitude for my doctor and insurance, love for my friends and family, and most of all, thankfulness to the greater being that brought about all of these miracles.


  1. I am so happy to read this. What a crazy journey it has been. I honestly cannot imagine how difficult this has all been for you. You are such a strong, amazing person! Keep up the great work - you're almost done!

  2. One more left! That has to feel awesome! (((HUS)))

  3. Thanks Faith...sometimes I don't feel so strong. And it does feel awesome, Jessica.