Even if you are finally "cancer free" it will always be with you mentally

Friday, April 13, 2012

Will I ever get back to normal?

After all I've been through since January 4, and so close to the end, it seems silly to complain.  And of course, I am going to be a survivor.  But its at the point where I can't imagine I will ever feel good again.  I got so spoiled during the first half of the chemo treatments, getting my strength back within a week or so.  I literally cannot get from one room to another without feeling like I'm going to faint.  I get so out of breath.  If its anything like after the 4th treatment, I will only get enough stamina and strength back before the next treatment to walk into the office on my own and drop into a chair to get hooked up to the poison.  In my mind I know (well I hope) I will regain my strength and be back to my old self, but when I feel so drained, its just hard to imagine.

Next visit I'm going to ask how long its going to take after my last treatment before I can actually walk any distance and not expire.  LOL  I've already started to worry about my commute to work.  Granted I could drive to work for a bit, but that isn't a long term solution, as its expensive to park in downtown Chicago plus the drive is just crazy.

Another issue is that the chemo has really affected my left knee, which was replaced a while back but has been giving me problems for a while.  I walk with a cane but the chemo has made it worse.  I'm hoping that once the chemo is out of my system, my knee will go back to the condition it was in prior to the treatments.  I can handle that.

Oh well, I shouldn't be complaining, but sometimes I just have to.


  1. It isn't about should or shouldn't - you are allowed to say how hard things are. Yes, you will get through this, yes you are a survivor and yes you are STRONG! AND, yes you get to complain sometimes! I'm so sorry you are feeling so tired - I can't imagine being that fatigued all the time. It must be so frustrating. Hang in there - this is all going to be worth it when you get back to living your life CANCER FREE!!!

  2. Oh, Faith, you always say the right things. Thank you for your support!!!

  3. I agree with Faith...your not complaining your just being real girl. Your present is tough and as much as I can sit and type and not know how your feel, I wish everyone could experience just 1 minute of what your are going through and then maybe we wouldn't take one second for granted. Don't worry about anything that's in the future like commuting to work. Save your mental energy for relaxing and dreaming while your body heals. Sending prayers your way... --Courtney

  4. Thank you Courtney, you have been a source of strength throughout this whole thing. Faith too, always here with encouraging words. I have amazing friends!

  5. I agree with everyone else! Your allowed to complain (hell I complain just when I have a head cold) and worrying about the future of commuting is just draining you of energy that you could be using to help you get better. No worrying! Which is much easier said than done since I am the queen or worrying...

  6. Having survived Uterine and Thyroid cancers...I now wait till September to repeat a questionable bloodtest to see if Mr. Cancer has returned.

    I usually don't think about this but picking up the ball with cancer again is a dreaded thought.

  7.'ve been through sooo much and are coming out a survivor! I am so HAPPY for you!!