Losing My Hair

I started losing my hair this week. Of all the side effects I have experienced, this is the most dreaded. I would be willing to bet its the most common first question oncologists are asked by women, "will I lose my hair?". Probably lots of reasons why but most likely because our hair is our "crowning glory". Most women express themselves through their hair. Even if you don't wear makeup, you probably still do something with your hair. I do...I get it colored and cut once a month; earlier in my life because I think I should have been born a redhead and now because I'm over 50% gray and still feel I should be a redhead. Your hair can make you look older or younger than you are. Men love long hair. Women love long hair too. Little girls love playing with hair (well most do), either their own, or their friends' or their dolls. Its just so much a part of who we are as females. But when we are dealing with cancer and chemotherapy, the hair loss does one huge thing. A friend who has gone through it stated it perfectly. Seeing our bald head reminds us that we are ill. It slaps you in the face, there is no getting around it. Not that we forget, how can you forget this experience. But in between the treatments, after the immediate side effects subside, its easy to shove it to the back of your mind until the next treatment, especially since having a positive attitude about surviving is so important. The constant fatigue can be managed. But when you look in the mirror or pass a reflective surface, wham....the bald head reminds you. Yes, we wear hats, scarves and even wigs, but each day, at some point you have to see your head. And you are reminded of the battle you are waging.

We all have our ways of dealing with it. I had asked my hairdresser if I was ever to go through chemo and start to lose my hair, would she just shave it for me, as I'd rather face the inevitable than watch it slowly get thinner and eventually fall out completely. Of course she said yes. So within the next week or so, I'll go in and get rid of it. I'm going to stick with hats and possibly some scarves. I'm not working during this whole thing and am pretty much sticking close to home. I will, though, choose a wig, compliments of the American Cancer Society, and try to get used to wearing it, for when I do go back to work as my hair won't even start to grow back until long after I return. I think I will feel more comfortable riding the train, walking in Chicago and working in the office with some semblance of normalcy. I will also learn to apply eyebrow pencil correctly to simulate eyebrows. Maybe even some eyeliner to help with the lack of eyelashes. I'll have to see about these cosmetics though...it might be better to just go without, since I don't wear it to begin with.

I have another friend who apparently has been looking for an excuse to shave her head. I have now provided that excuse and she is so ready to do it! LOL I actually think she can rock the bald look....me, on the other hand, not so much. Oh well....its just hair and as I've told myself and others who get upset about a bad hair cut...it will grow back.